born-master-poet

You were once the girl in my autos class. A couple years later, you asked me to be your man. A time stood still for when I came back to be with you. When you left for basic training I was so scared. Would I be one to receive a Dear John letter? I should've known I wouldn't be amount the list. You wrote me every chance you had. Always reminding of how much you loved me. I counted the days till you got to come home. Your last letter came and told me to dress up for your arrival, I did not knowing what to expect but I was excited. Standing there with your family waiting felt like forever. When I saw you my heart soared, lifting me to cloud nine. You turned me around and you told me when I could face you again. When I did, I started to cry because you were on one knee. All I could was nod until you asked me if that was a yes. I said yes through tears of pure joy and kissed you so passionately. Less than a year later we were married and I was extatic. Filled with love, pure joy, and endless happiness, I thought this was it, we found each other young. Looking forward to the rest of our lives together, Things weren't perfect, I was way less than perfect. Though I always held hope we would figure it out. We added a beautiful dog to our little family a few months later. Life was good and I just knew that this was it. You and our pup was where I was supposed to be. Oh how I was wrong, so blinded by the rose colored glasses. I didn't see you pulling away from me. You left for the weekend for a friend's graduation party. Kissed me in the parking lot of my work. "I'll see you in a few days." You said to me. If I would've know that was our last kiss, I would've let it linger longer, holding you closer. You stopped messaging me that weekend. Didn't come home when you said you would. My attempts to reach you were all ignored, Until the day you sent me a text it was over. I practically begged your friend to bring me to you. He did and looking back you were right I never should've done that. I was completely and utterly crushed and lost. It's been years now since we married and you left me. Three more years and it will be a decade. Through that time I always had a reminder of you. The dog we got together, I kept because he chose me. Constantly thinking of you and trying my hardest to move on, Trying my hardest not think, talk, write, or dream of you. It's been a decade since you were the girl in my autos class. Seven years since I called you my wife. Four years since our divorce was finally done. I have not shown it in a long time but it still hurts. A fairytale start just to become a statistic in less than a year. I'm glad you're happy and living your best life. I still love you and always wish you nothing but happiness. My happiness hasn't been contagious since you. I still smile once in awhile, It's always fleeting and more often a facade.

I hear the voices in my head. The people 'just wanting what is best for me'. So loud, screaming their intentions. They over power what I really want said. Telling me with overpowering exactitude what to be. Leaving me living their made up situations. I will not stand for it anymore! I have my own voice that needs to be heard. I am going to be the one to tell my story. This is me running through the open door. This is me courageously undeterred. This is ME rewriting my name in history.